you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
