How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
