she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
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I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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