Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
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Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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