Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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