that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I look better un-naked...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
