another moral hangover. fuck.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
