I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
