Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
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The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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