ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
