Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you had me at cake vodka
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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