Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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