I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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