And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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