fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
