I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
