Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
