When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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