my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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