I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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