Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
