Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
