Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
