Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
