My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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