If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
