Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
