Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
