I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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