Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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