I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
