i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
