I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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