Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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