On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
