I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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