Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
