good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
