I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize