just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
