i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
