Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
