Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
