I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
