After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
