Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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