after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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