I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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