I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
