Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
