I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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