I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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