Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
