so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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