nut hugger
I puked a lego.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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