Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Someone came in the potted fern
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
