i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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