i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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