brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
