dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.