But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away