i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My dad just said "fuck circus"