you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
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In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
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That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.