Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize