apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.