Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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