Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
