its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
