What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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