there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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