I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
