your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
