I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
