I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
