Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
