thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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