I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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