Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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