dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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