Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I will be naked everywhere
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
