take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
