I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
