We named our party play list daddy issues
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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