Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
