I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
