I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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