just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
