i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
