i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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