so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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