I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
