I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
