So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
