He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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