btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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