Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
