Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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