i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
