somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
