Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
